Post by IT nerd on Jun 26, 2004 8:54:37 GMT 10
Some of this love this forum so much we saved bits of it.
Accidental Death of a Cartoon Character
A Play by Check Off
Scene one:
A web forum somewhere in cyber space: A tall guy called Iron Guts is talking to JC:
IronGuts: “Shit we didn’t mean to kill Kenny, honest we didn’t, we just thought his lists were a bit dull sometimes”<br>
JC: Shouting and writing about with angst: “Yeah, we did kid. Admit it. We meant to be mean to him all right, see? We all hated him.
VH: (voce sotto): Admit it: Kenny, well he had it all, and we wanted some of it. His money, his fame, his style, his rampant sexuality, his gorgeous wife. And, you, you and your mob, couldn't, have it, nah. No way, see?
BM: (becoming angrier) Kenny and Cartman do you think they are the same person? Has anyone ever seen them in the same band or at the same gig at the same time? Yeah. that’s right he’s the dirty rat whose been fooling you all this time. Kenny and Cartman are one and the same!
JC: (Slowly but assertively): So, you all knew you’d been had and you wanted to get even, see? You wanted him dead! Yeah that's right, cold and dead and wearing cement shoes in Sydney Harbour being eating by prawns. You wanted to own the world, but you couldn't, and you knew ya never would. Cos you're nothing but a low down bunch of punks with no respect for James Morrison. Yeah that's right kids, you don't wanna hear it but that's the truth.”<br>
Scene Two
Across town in a dingy office on the 3rd floor somewhere in Paramatta
This dame walks into the private dick's office and the guy behind the desk knew she was trouble. She was the one from the OzJazzForum club down town.
"Are you Mark Isaacs?" she cooed
Putting down his bowl of Vietnamese Oxblood soup, (he had flown to him from Melbourne) and lighting up a cigarette, Isaacs nodded and looked her over as he blew out the match.
The Dame whispered: "I have a job for you. May I call you Mark?"
"Hey babe, you can call me Mark when you've paid the bill. Until then let's just use Mr Isaacs"
"Sure sugar, whatever you say" said the broad. "I being bothered by a man called Cartman and I want you to scare him off".
"Scoot babe. I ain't into scaremongering" he replied.
He knew she wouldn't leave. Chicks like her never do.
"I'll pay you well. I just want him out of my life" she added batting her long eyelashes.
She proceeded to tell him how a certain Kenny had once lusted for her in her previous job as a chanteuse at Bennetts Lane Jazz club, but after she moved north to Sydney things changed. Every time she went to the Side On, Eric Cartman had been farting as she walked passed and dribbling as he stood behind her at the bar. She didn't say why she wouldn't get rid of him herself, herself, but Isaacs suspected that there was more of a history than she was letting on.
She said that they met in a web forum and got talking – Isaacs didn't believe that for a minute. Kenny/Cartman had offered her money to accompany him to the Opera House to see James Morrison but she told him that she was one Lady that he couldn't afford, see? (Everyone can be bought, but it takes bargaining to find for how much) Kenny/Cartman were too stupid to figure this one out.. Then she told Isaacs her name.
He replied: "Listen Penny Senveigh, if that really is your name. I don't see what your problem
is, see? He sounds harmless enough. Just tell him to leave you alone"
She sat on my desk, crossed her legs and looked down at me.
"Mr Isaacs sir, she whispered with a sob in her voice“ he just won't take no for an answer. I want him to understand that I mean it, I really, really do". With that, a tear slowly formed in her big blue eye (the one on the left) and dripped down her cheek, just like honey dripping off a warm crumpet, on to the carpet and narrowly missing your original charts.
And then Isaacs said: "Hey babe, somebody beat you to it."
He pushed over a copy of the Sydney Morning Herald . She gasped when she saw the
headline: “Local cartoon character, Kenny, found dead in school canteen - suicide
suspected'.
Neither of us believed that it was suicide. The dame cried crocodile tears. Things were beginning to get heavy.
Accidental Death of a Cartoon Character
A Play by Check Off
Scene one:
A web forum somewhere in cyber space: A tall guy called Iron Guts is talking to JC:
IronGuts: “Shit we didn’t mean to kill Kenny, honest we didn’t, we just thought his lists were a bit dull sometimes”<br>
JC: Shouting and writing about with angst: “Yeah, we did kid. Admit it. We meant to be mean to him all right, see? We all hated him.
VH: (voce sotto): Admit it: Kenny, well he had it all, and we wanted some of it. His money, his fame, his style, his rampant sexuality, his gorgeous wife. And, you, you and your mob, couldn't, have it, nah. No way, see?
BM: (becoming angrier) Kenny and Cartman do you think they are the same person? Has anyone ever seen them in the same band or at the same gig at the same time? Yeah. that’s right he’s the dirty rat whose been fooling you all this time. Kenny and Cartman are one and the same!
JC: (Slowly but assertively): So, you all knew you’d been had and you wanted to get even, see? You wanted him dead! Yeah that's right, cold and dead and wearing cement shoes in Sydney Harbour being eating by prawns. You wanted to own the world, but you couldn't, and you knew ya never would. Cos you're nothing but a low down bunch of punks with no respect for James Morrison. Yeah that's right kids, you don't wanna hear it but that's the truth.”<br>
Scene Two
Across town in a dingy office on the 3rd floor somewhere in Paramatta
This dame walks into the private dick's office and the guy behind the desk knew she was trouble. She was the one from the OzJazzForum club down town.
"Are you Mark Isaacs?" she cooed
Putting down his bowl of Vietnamese Oxblood soup, (he had flown to him from Melbourne) and lighting up a cigarette, Isaacs nodded and looked her over as he blew out the match.
The Dame whispered: "I have a job for you. May I call you Mark?"
"Hey babe, you can call me Mark when you've paid the bill. Until then let's just use Mr Isaacs"
"Sure sugar, whatever you say" said the broad. "I being bothered by a man called Cartman and I want you to scare him off".
"Scoot babe. I ain't into scaremongering" he replied.
He knew she wouldn't leave. Chicks like her never do.
"I'll pay you well. I just want him out of my life" she added batting her long eyelashes.
She proceeded to tell him how a certain Kenny had once lusted for her in her previous job as a chanteuse at Bennetts Lane Jazz club, but after she moved north to Sydney things changed. Every time she went to the Side On, Eric Cartman had been farting as she walked passed and dribbling as he stood behind her at the bar. She didn't say why she wouldn't get rid of him herself, herself, but Isaacs suspected that there was more of a history than she was letting on.
She said that they met in a web forum and got talking – Isaacs didn't believe that for a minute. Kenny/Cartman had offered her money to accompany him to the Opera House to see James Morrison but she told him that she was one Lady that he couldn't afford, see? (Everyone can be bought, but it takes bargaining to find for how much) Kenny/Cartman were too stupid to figure this one out.. Then she told Isaacs her name.
He replied: "Listen Penny Senveigh, if that really is your name. I don't see what your problem
is, see? He sounds harmless enough. Just tell him to leave you alone"
She sat on my desk, crossed her legs and looked down at me.
"Mr Isaacs sir, she whispered with a sob in her voice“ he just won't take no for an answer. I want him to understand that I mean it, I really, really do". With that, a tear slowly formed in her big blue eye (the one on the left) and dripped down her cheek, just like honey dripping off a warm crumpet, on to the carpet and narrowly missing your original charts.
And then Isaacs said: "Hey babe, somebody beat you to it."
He pushed over a copy of the Sydney Morning Herald . She gasped when she saw the
headline: “Local cartoon character, Kenny, found dead in school canteen - suicide
suspected'.
Neither of us believed that it was suicide. The dame cried crocodile tears. Things were beginning to get heavy.
