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Post by ironguts on Feb 7, 2008 21:59:24 GMT 10
I'm having the Fringe Bell Awards again this year, better known as the GUTS awards ( Greatest Underrated Trumpet Stars) The categories are; Hairiest Crack shown during a ballad. Most self obsessed Person who plays and instruments with more than 87 keys. Most blues licks played in a solo. Most expensive drinks in a jazz bar. Stupidest Artistic Director of the Melbourne Jazz Festival. ( hard one) Least paid gig. Longest Saxophone solo. Most obvious Trumpet solo. Entries are know open and nominations should be sent to me along with 100 CD's and no written material as I can't read. Bribes will be discretely accepted and bidding will be on the website www.gutsisgod.cum.heyyou This years judging panel will be me.GUTS Awards |
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Post by captain on Feb 7, 2008 22:38:43 GMT 10
Ah it's all bullshit politics man. I bet someone from Sydney wins all of them, even though everybody knows the hairiest cracks are in Melbourne.
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Post by trumpetguy on Feb 8, 2008 8:50:30 GMT 10
can your uncle jelly lips from that youtube thing present an award or 2??
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Post by ironguts on Feb 8, 2008 11:26:53 GMT 10
Yes, that's right, make fun of it. After all the hard work I've done, the long lonely hours, divorce, alcoholism and drug abuse and all you can do is make a joke. I do all this for you people you know? It's not for the glory and the money! I do it for YOU!! My life has been sacrificed to the cause of Jazz and all people like you can do is mock me, well this is the last time I tell you, no more will I take from cretin jazz musicians who are jealous of the success of others. These awards reflect some of the finest achievements in the Jazz industry today and I wont let them be ridiculed!!
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Post by trumpetguy on Feb 8, 2008 12:01:09 GMT 10
I was serious - I love your uncle, he is art
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Post by ironguts on Feb 8, 2008 12:33:35 GMT 10
Oh, ok then, forget my last post, thanks for your suggestion, it's a great idea. I'll see if he wants to MC the night. I have another uncle who is an octopus, he plays the guitar, drums, bass and saxomorephone. He learned his skills busking as a one man band, it was the only way for him to earn a squid. Funny thing though, he has 7 dicks and always leaves a mess on the toilet floor, walls and ceilings at family bbq's.
I wont go into the details of my aunt.
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Post by trumpetguy on Feb 8, 2008 13:16:00 GMT 10
The ABC should do an episode on "Australian Stories" on the Guts Family - perhaps you, uncle Jelly lips and octopus uncle could all play.
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Post by ironguts on Feb 8, 2008 13:41:53 GMT 10
The A(bslotely) B(oring) C(unts) would never do something as adventurous as that! Don't be ridiculous. Besides which my family is very ugly, only good for radio, maybe Mal could do something? He understands, he has a radio face.
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Post by trumpetguy on Feb 8, 2008 14:49:38 GMT 10
you're right - how about on Australia's Funniest Home Videos then??
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