Jazz and economics

[marksiks]

Economic Models explained with cows...



SOCIALISM:

You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.



COMMUNISM:

You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.



FASCISM:

You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.



NAZISM:

You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.



BUREAUCRATISM:

You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...



TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.



AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow dropped dead.



A JAPANESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.



A GERMAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.



AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.



A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.



A SWISS CORPORATION:

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.



A FRENCH CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.



A CHINESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.



AN INDIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You worship them.



A BRITISH CORPORATION:

You have two cows. Both are mad.



IRAQI CORPORATION:

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb you. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....



SURREALISM:

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to buy some jazz cds.



HONG KONG CAPITALISM:

You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad.



NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:

You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute (sorry Kenny)



AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:

You have 2 cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go down the pub to celebrate.

[bodgey]

Superb.

[gator]

This one might sound familiar. You have a whole herd of undernourished cows in a drought stricken paddock - a bunch of healthy specimens from the big farm up the road fly in - eat whats left -and buggers off!

[Kenny]

Baaaaa!

[glean]

my favourite is the Italian one

[alimcg]

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

[glean]

I dunno but I m nervous bout your campaign to put me in little johnny's trousers Im 187cm so you see my prob?

[pettman]

slow moooving?

carcass?

a taxi?

udderly useless?

Glen?

[alimcg]

Lean beef.


What do call a cow with only 2 legs?

[glean]

Daisy?

[alimcg]

An udder drag.

What do call a cow with no legs?

[punter]

That's fuckin funny did you guys make that up??

[alimcg]

How about the Australian Corporation like this:

You have two cows, and you sell of one of them (except for a bit of its tail) to private investors (in two installments), on the basis that the private owners continue to provide milk to people in the city and the bush. The new investors say that it's unreasonable for them to have to provide milk to people everywhere in a free market, and that worse still, their bottles are being used by other companies to deliver milk from other cows. They hire an American who used to run a buffalo ranch, which is kinda like a dairy farm, and he says that government regulations requiring milk be pasteurised are killing his companies profits. After a while you decide that the cows are old and you want some money, so you sell the other cow. You use the profits from this cow to buy power and influence. Soon, many parts of the country have no milk, no cream and no butter.

[bodgey]

...breathlessly awaiting the final punchline...

[glean]

alimcg said:

How about the Australian Corporation like this:

You have two cows, and you sell of one of them (except for a bit of its tail) to private investors (in two installments), on the basis that the private owners continue to provide milk to people in the city and the bush. The new investors say that it's unreasonable for them to have to provide milk to people everywhere in a free market, and that worse still, their bottles are being used by other companies to deliver milk from other cows. They hire an American who used to run a buffalo ranch, which is kinda like a dairy farm, and he says that government regulations requiring milk be pasteurised are killing his companies profits. After a while you decide that the cows are old and you want some money, so you sell the other cow. You use the profits from this cow to buy power and influence. Soon, many parts of the country have no milk, no cream and no butter.

you sir, are politcally astute and totally spot on. But I'm still not PM material, yet you on the other hand clearly have the politcal nouse and communcations skills to take on such a job''''' and as one would assume ya love jazz, imagine all the money for jazz fesivals and Dig Jazz TV